why i did not write your charity's direct mail appeal (thank god!)

1. You weren't serious. You mail fewer than 3 appeals a year to your base: classic under-soliciting. What's the point? Where did you people learn this stuff?
2. You needed a rush job. You recall that friendly old sign at the village copy shop? "Your lack of planning is not my emergency." Gosh, I loved that sign. Direct mail is stressful enough without artificial deadlines. I haven't had a drive-up window for years. It takes 6 months from inquiry to start of project.
   
3. You wanted to be on top. I insist that new direct mail clients abide by my perfectly sensible Verbatim Rule: "Amateurs will NOT fiddle. Unless you are an accomplished direct mail writer in your own right, you will not change one single glorious and embarrassing (to you) word I write, except to correct factual errors."