The Little Words Mean the Most

I finally went a little viral...

...and what a feeling. Added one hundred subscribers to my e-newsletter in less than a day, thanks to somebody else's network. Rushy feeling. Better than grocery shopping. Way better than sax solos.

The Chicago AFP int'l conference, in 6 pix

L-r: the district; the welcome hall, where the bookstore rested like a calm island of good advice; the dining accommodations: AFP really screwed the pooch re: seating during meals -- AFP hugely undercounted, so hundreds of people couldn't find a chair and were forced to eat on the floor (ick), & giving the exhibit area the sprawled look of a well-dressed refugee camp; my capacious speaking room (a good seemed to be had by all, me included; I met some terrific people afterward like the fundraiser from Egypt [I'm not dropping names; I'm dropping pyramids]; and the Salvation Army grant geek, plus my room host was impeccably effective, keeping me on-schedule to the second, so my audience could decamp in time for Queen Latifah's talk); the happy speaking couple, photo by Alaska's amazing [sleepyhead, this early] Julie Varee, CFRE (Simone: "Don't call me 'Poopie' in a professional setting!" He: "Yes, Poopie."); and the other guy who spoke at the same conference.

Sometimes it's just about...

...what you connect to. Connect, for instance, sales of "Cucumber Sage Balancing Mist from Skin Organics" to a bull stock market -- and maybe you uncover some immensely powerful, planetary principle, secret "controlling equation" (to give it a name). A constant equation. Predictable. Invariable. Encrusted to Just Those Few flawed-but-ready "seekers" who stumble onto it. Me. You?

"I thought it was obvious."

...That's what a client said to me.

After they'd nagged me to return a contract that they'd mailed to me without instructions. I'd filed the thing. Which led me to my new Unified Theory of Stupidity (trademarked, registered, weapon-strike, and blackballed wherever beer is sold).

Here it is: The more presumptions you have, the stupider you are. And the more you shed presumptions and learn to root them out, the smarter you are. I presumed I didn't need to react at all. I presumed that forgetting this obviously official piece of paper might be suitable behavior. They presumed I would act the way they wanted without express instructions.

How important are simple instructions? One of the great discoveries of direct mail is this: when you add in big bold letters to an outside envelope the words, Open This!, more people actually do!!! You might jump up your opening rate a soul-satisfying 10 or 20 percent. Never forget: inertia is a terrible thing to waste. Give. Clear. Instructions.

Complaint of the week, Book 3, Chapter 9, Verse 47

uspeak2fastikentgrabyrnumba When you phone and leave a call-back # on voice mail, I tell people on my message, Speak slowly. Enunciate clearly. As if you were starring in The King's Speech.

I've read just 2 books & already I'm an expert...

...on "the situation in Afghanistan."

Spin, at 8:23 PM?

The typical, lovely long day. Simone's new book arrives, UPS express. Her clients in Anchorage, AK, forget she exists. I have clients (today) in NYC; Princeton; London (England, baby). Packing for the Chicago int'l AFP conference, where I am 2B filmed. In my new T-shirt? "Without shame, there's no fun." Correct a few more pages in FAVORS, my novel about small-city corruption. Tomorrow: I speak truth to hospitals.

My first offshore client

My wonderful Canadian clients give me international street cred, true. But North Americanos all prowl the same crustal plate. Now I have my first truly overseas client ... from swinging London, England, baby. That ka-ching noise? That's the sound of an exchange rate going my way. By UK standards, my fees for direct mail copy seem reasonable.

FL!@#$%^&g Bible

Let me explain. I buy The New Oxford Annotated Bible. A question comes up in my writing: Where does Luke talk about...? The index inserts him between LOYALTY and LUKEWARM, just shy of LUST. I can't find the reference I need anywhere.

You know what prepared us ... ?

Star Trek. Going where no one had gone before. That's life, in a nutshell. Even if untold #s, like parents, have gone B4. Each time, it's different.